destruction.

escaping.. disfunctional... repression.. illusion ..desires ...it's not that it's ok or that it will be it's not that she's needy.. it's she tired of feeling so lonely.. so unwanted... undesired.. unloved....

it never ceases.. the pain continues the loneliness is overwhelming but the tears wont fall.. I just am at the end of what I can deal with anymore..... I can't seem to get it out of my head I'll never be good enough... I never have for my parents and it doesnt seem I ever will.. and I'm never ever good enough to be someones..... ever... I'll be alone forever it seems. Nothings changed as much as I've tried as much as I've pushed and told myself it's ok it will get better.. it hasn't.. what do I have here why am I staying here....?

I have a friend who's pushed me aside cause he's found someone more worthwhile then spending time with me.. and when he does he yells at me.....
I have someone I care for that will never be mine and it's a silly bullshit thought to even pursue anything out of it....
and memories which are killing me everything I breath... I'm slowly dying here... and continuing to smile those fake fucking smiles!
I've been single over a year... I've dated oh god, have I dated and I am NEVER EVER good enough! for anyone! Nothing I do... Nothing..... why doesn't anyone want me? Why am I only good for bullshit!
What is wrong with me.. that I'm not material enough to be someones...... meows...

Am I going to have to except that I am never going to be good enough? I'm never going to be what someone wants? am I just a fuck up?.... What's wrong with me..?

My mind is troubled with so many things and on top of it.. I'm not even sure what keeps me here in florida should I leave for Texas? I have a place to live to VERY supportive friends... I could start over...

I don't know what to do... I just know.. I'm tired..

oh
so
very....

tired.......