Lost...

a simple object of affection. Or is it Infection? A disease so terribly unwilled into the deepest darkest locked room willed away from all those who could aknowledge the thoughts of someone so pure hearted and lost.

It's been a while I suppose a lot's happened since I've updated.. And then not so much..
Working for wal-mart has been an experience in it's own that's for sure. I enjoy it for the most part some things are stressful but I enjoy interacting with the others and it gives me a bit of a social life I haven't had since I was in highschool. I like the regulars who always try and make me smile. And I like the feeling when someone tells me I've been a huge help or I work well. I've gotten Fast. Granted I've made a few mistakes, mostly miner anyone can make.. it happens I can't be perfect all the time. I'm coming up on my 90 days soon. So hopefully I get to keep my job. I do work hard. :nods:

Home life is interesting. It's Shawn, LJ and I living here. I've managed to get a Bed and some small things here and there I'm still working on things but it's really hard. I don't make much and it seems like every paycheck doesn't go far.. For example I got paid 520 thursday I now have 15 dollars in my account.. and I'm behind on the internet bill. Between LJ and I we make 1600 a month.. that's really not much.. at all. He gets food stamps which helps to a degree but heres how the bills look, 400 for rent, 100 for insurance, 150 for internet/cable ( we choose that bill to pay instead of electric) about 300 a month in gas, 150 or so in food plus food stamps. His phone. and then misc. Things like my car lately has needed so much work.. so we are pretty much not doing awsome.. but meh.

I Think I'm happy... I don't know.. it's hard.. He;s on SSI he was in the Army he has a lot of mental problems like anxiety and depression, he gets mad at me sometimes, we don't have sex and that doesn't bother me so much in all honesty.. it's more the fact of I want attention I want to be kissed meh, I just I donno ::shrugs:: I want to be spoiled and treated like I'm more of a girlfriend then just a girl he shares his room with.. you know?

I dont have friends right now. Chris and I no longer talk much. LJ hates him and I'm really disappointed in him for the most part. I miss him but I guess it happens.

LJ says he wants to be with me for a long time, I've known him since I was ten so it's been ten years, we've had such seperate lives I wonder if it will work..

I feel so lost..

and I don't know what to do..

I really need some friends... bad.