Pathetic over-analyzing

I find myself in the same situation over and over again...

Laying on my bed.. staring at the ceiling, cell phone on my chest and computer by my side.. waiting for any ounce of any bit from said person....

I sigh hopelessly and assume that it's okay, but all the while my mind is racing, and I know it's not. Simply put... I'm a naive little girl... who thinks no one would ever fuck her over...

and then... surprised and hurt as I am.. I should have expected it...but I don't.

And then people wonder why I'm so cold and distant.. why I hide myself from everyone and ignore anything that might be a sign of affection.. and as of lately, I'm starting to REALLY dislike any sort of affection shown to me...

So it's just as it always is.. plans made and then I never hear from said person all day.. when they are made for the morning.... and this just throws me off into an over-analyzing cycle of tears and frustration.. cause I think they to are going to hurt me just like the rest... especially when regular cycles are breaking......

I hate this person I am.. I hate the naivety that I transpose on a daily basis....the complexity of my mind that takes over every piece of information and twists it into a morbid reality that consumes me into breath taking tears that I probably made happen for no reason. Just because, I never think something bigger might have happened...instead it's always.. something wrong.. with me...

who am I to assume the worst of situations label each as a bad villain just because wrong was shed onto me and all I wonder is it to much to ask to let me know.. you're not interested, you're sorry, I was busy... anything to soothe the monsters raging in me...?

So for the next few hours I'll indulge my mind in twisted Realities.. pretend I don't care and force myself not to cry.... untill I know the truth...

or you really..

do...

Stand me up.