The tears are distant and hollow is this how it should be? Is this the way the hopes are poured upon the darkness which we call life, and how easily this gift can be taken and is he in the right to rip the life from those who don't deserve to lose the preciousness of what was given to them....

is the world so conceided in the aspects of fairness that none see the truth that lies behind the distant cries of the innocent? Is it so much to ask for a break in the meek little world that tortures and devours the souls of the purist adolesents to prove the point that greatness can be broken?

The entry I was going to write.. was going to be about me being a horrible cunt on valentines day and refusing to allow my friend to get me a gift because I was in so much anger.. I couldn't tell why but I was just pissed off...

but I decided this to be more deep then a shallow little holiday that makes people feel like shit.

My Puppy died yesterday... The night before he was barking and playing and running around.. and within an hour he plummeted... he got sick and was shaking and looked horrible....
I had gone out for valentines and when I came home I was on the phone with a close friend of mine and I heart this HORRIBLE sound.... at first I thought it was my brother getting sick.. I heard it again and waiting for the cries... but nothing... so I went into the living room to see the poor thing shaking and sitting in a pile of liquid that looked like stomach acid and blood.

Which it turns out to be true... Mom and Dad had taken him to the Vet in the morning, they did X-rays and found nothing....and Mom and Dad didn't know he had thrown up.. at this point I felt bad cause I should have woken Daddy up to tell him, cause Odie wasn't looking good at all.... But I didn't.

And Now Not only do I have that guilt... but a much greater one... What did he die of? Well he died on the operating table... and he had eaten a stocking... I'm.. the ONLY one who has stockings in the house.. a slight fetish I seem to have.. I have tons... My parents don't know this... and mom didn't know where it came from... but I did.. they were mine..

and in short terms.. I'm basically the one.. who killed him... Mom's always telling me to pick up my things, and I've been bitter about it because I have limited room I sleep in the den... with no dressers no closet My clothing is piled on a couch .... and theres basically stuff everywhere.....

so I feel completely and utterly responsible for the death of my puppy...and it seems it is my fault...I understand it's an accident.. but.. it was still MY fault....

meows....